I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
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