I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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