I didn't shave. On purpose
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize