JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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