you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my poor anus
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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