Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
