Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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