I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
