dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
