Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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