im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
