SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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