Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
