Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just pee around me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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