you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
