The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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