For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
false alarm, still single
Randomize
