Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
ugly people sure do ruin things
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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