What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize