U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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