I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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