I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize