Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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