Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize