You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
