bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
