Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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