you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
