is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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