So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize