I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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