The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
