im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
