I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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