Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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