HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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