I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
