i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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