Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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