i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
