So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
