ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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