An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
