dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
