The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
