I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
