I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
