I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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