and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
