Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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