went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
