just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
