Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
