I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
