so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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