I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am one with the molecules
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize