life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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