Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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