I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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