I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
