Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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