In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
