I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
