everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
