beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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