Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize