I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
