im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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